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That sinking feeling

May 24, 2010

I’m sure you all know the one you get, when you see or hear something that’s just….unsettling. It’s no good.
I’d like to consider myself a pretty zen guy, really relaxed, joying of the simple things, letting the world sort it’s own way out (yes, I know this ain’t exactly zen, but it’s the outline, and a better word escapes me), but lately the simplest pleasures have been eluding me. My life hasn’t changed around me all too much, and the world does keep spinnin’ around. All this should keep the same stuff going on, but Newton’s laws only apply to physics, not the human mind.
Although it’s rather droll to post anything explaining specifically what I’M going through, what I’M feeling, or so on, but I will anyway, terribly sorry.
As I said before: the world SHOULD just keep spinning around, and it is, but it seems…different to me.I mean, my life is still completely enjoyable. What I have is vastly superior to what I don’t. I still have everything I could ever think I would want or need. I have a woman who loves me, and whom I love back, I have friends, family, a roof over my head, food on the table, clothes on my back, and some (very nice ones) in my closet. Things have just been worrying me more than they used to. I didn’t let a lot get under my skin, between my ears, but lately, it seems most everything is. Going through life worrying “what if” is no way to live.
Something just seems missing, and I’m not quite sure what it is. The biggest issue with that is that I’m actually afraid to try to figure that out, too. Just what IS missing from my life, if anything?
One might tell me to go out and travel, but I’d be happiest doing elsewhere the exact same as I’d be happiest doing here: just relaxing, doing very little indeed. The problem there is that I’d feel guilty not experiencing the location. I’d also be missing my friends, my family, and my girl. Those three would be tough to go without, all by my lonesome for Lord knows how long.
Some might recommend a major change, but any change in what I do would SURELY end in more regret than benefit, I’m sure. I’ve run through every major or minor change I can hit, and most all of them would end TERRIBLY for me, some even for others, and I’m not a fan of that.
I’m sure the feeling’ll pass before I know it.

Here’s to tomorrow, which never comes a day too soon!

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